


Never Let Them Take The Light Behind Your Eyes

by MyChemicalFanFictions



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-04
Updated: 2014-01-15
Packaged: 2017-11-28 05:09:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/670625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyChemicalFanFictions/pseuds/MyChemicalFanFictions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard works at a tattoo shop where he meets Frank one day. The first time he sees Frank he feels like he already knows him for years and without him knowing Frank feels the same. Love at first sight? But Frank is not aware of what is going on with Gerard...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Don't Know A Thing About This Life

**Author's Note:**

> Okay this is my second FanFic. Feel free to give me advise (:

Gerard’s been working at “Get Inked” for a while now.

He can’t stand needles but he loves art and he gets to know so many new people so being a Tattoo Artist is probably the most perfect job for him.

He’s been drawing since he can remember and he always wanted to turn his hobby into his job.

\---

A new costumer entered the shop.

Gerard noticed that he was a pretty small guy, his hair was black, he had hazel eyes, a lip piercing and already a shit ton of tattoos.

The costumer wore ripped jeans and a Misfits shirt. Gerard caught himself smiling at him.

He went up to the costumer. “Hey I’m Gerard. What can I do for you?” Gerard asked smiling bright.

“Hi I’m Frank. Uhm…I wanted to get a scorpion tattooed on the side of my neck.” Frank answered smiling.

“Sure. Do you already have a design or can I get all creative about it?” Gerard asked slightly nervous. _Fuck get your shit together Gerard_ He warned himself.

Frank looked him right in the eye and smiled the whole time.

 _His smile is perfect_ Gerard didn’t say. He couldn’t help but notice Frank’s beautiful eyes as well.

“Would be awesome if you could design one for me.” Frank replied still smiling at Gerard.

“Okay. I’m gonna come up with some scorpions so you can chose the best, kay? Take a seat over there if you want.” Gerard said before he headed off.

Frank sat down on a couch which was placed near the entrance.

\---

While Gerard was drawing he caught Frank looking at him and smiling.

He didn’t look at Frank though he only noticed it from the corner of his eye.

It made Gerard a little bit nervous but he came up with some cool designs though.

\---

“Hey Frank. Get yourself over here I’ve got some scorpions for you.” Gerard said smiling.

Frank giggled and made his way to Gerard.

 _God damn it even his giggle is like fucking heaven_ Gerard thought.

“Dude they all look fucking awesome. It’s a shame I can only pick one.” Frank said and giggled again.

Gerard couldn’t help but giggle too.

“I guess I’m gonna go with this one.” Frank decided pointing at the darkest scorpion that there was.

“Sure. Cool. Lay down over there and we can get started if you’re ready.” Gerard advised.

“Yeah. I’m ready when you’re ready.” Frank answered.

\---

“So why did you chose a scorpion?” Gerard asked while he tattooed Frank.

“My zodiac sign is Scorpio so I thought it might be pretty cool getting a scorpion tattooed.” Frank said smiling softly.

“It sure as hell is going to look cool.” Gerard replied.

“What about you?” Frank asked expectantly looking at Gerard.

“Huh?” Gerard obviously looked pretty fucking confused.

He even had to stop tattooing for a few seconds because Frank started laughing at the face Gerard made.

“Do you have any tattoos?” Frank asked still giggling a little.

“Oh. Uh no. I’m actually afraid of needles.” Gerard laughed.

“Aw that’s cu-…uhm cool.” Frank self-corrected. Gerard could see that Frank blushed a little and smiled.

\---

“Okay we’re done here.” Gerard informed Frank while he cleaned up Frank’s new tattoo.

“You can go take a look at it. There’s a mirror over there.” Gerard said pointing at the wall in front of him.

“Dude that looks fucking awesome.” Frank said. “Thank you so much man.” Frank added and reached out his hand and pulled Gerard into a hug as he grabbed Frank’s hand.

\---

“So what are you going to do after work? ‘Cause talking to you the whole time was fun and I thought maybe you’d like to hang out, go clubbing or something.” Frank said nervously after he paid the tattoo.

Gerard noticed that Frank slightly blushed again. Also Frank bit his lip ring which Gerard thought was pretty fucking sexy.

“Yeah sure, why not?” Gerard answered.

“Awesome. So when can I come and pick you up?” Frank asked happily.

“8pm would be cool.” Gerard said smiling.

“Awesome.” Frank said, his eyes shining bright as he went off.

\---

Time passed pretty fast.

When Gerard next checked the time it was 7:55pm already. “Fuck” Gerard said while he looked around to see that there was still pretty much cleaning to be done.

Gerard wasn’t quite done with everything when someone knocked on the door.

Gerard turned around to see that it was Frank smiling as bright as he did before he left the shop a few hours ago.

Gerard couldn’t help but smile too as he opened the door to let Frank in.

“I’ll be ready in about 5 minutes.” Gerard said and quickly headed off to get the rest done.

“Do you want me to help you?” Frank asked.

“No it’s okay you don’t have to-“

“No no really I’d like to help you.” Frank said smiling and placed himself close next to Gerard.

“Well okay uhm you could help me clean the floor a little. A broom is over there.” Gerard said and pointed into a corner near the door.

\---

While Frank brushed the floor Gerard took the ink that was left over and poured it into a little plastic bag. Just as Gerard turned around to get the ink to the trash Frank accidently ran into him and turned around quickly.

He immediately frowned and looked really sorry as he saw the colors running down Gerard’s clothes.

“Dude I’m sorry I didn’t want to….I’m sorry I…” Frank obviously ran out of words.

“It’s okay. It’s dark outside so I guess no one will notice it and besides I live in an apartment like two blocks away so we could stop there by and I could change before we go to a club.” Gerard informed Frank.

Frank still looked sad.

“And stop looking this sad. A smile suits you better.” Gerard added patting Frank’s shoulder and smiling at him.

Frank bit his lip ring and started smiling again.

\---

They didn’t talk on the way to Gerard’s apartment. They just smoked a few cigarettes together and smiled at each other a couple of times.

\---

“I think I’ll just wait here for you.” Frank said when they arrived in front of Gerard’s block’s door.

“No fucking way. You’re coming inside with me. I won’t let you freeze to fucking death out here.” Gerard said and laughed when he grabbed Frank’s arm and softly pulled him into the hallway.

Frank looked pretty happy about that.

\---

“Damn Gerard you have a shit ton of alcohol here. We could have a party all on our own here.” Frank pointed out while he took a close look at pretty much every alcohol filled bottle that there was.

“Yeah probably.” Gerard laughed as he entered the living room wearing a new black shirt and new black pants.

Frank turned around to look at Gerard. His eyes widened when he saw Gerard’s arms.

 _They are badly scarred. Why would Gerard do something like that? Should I ask? Better not. I don’t wanna fuck everything up now._ Frank thought.

“Are you alright?” Gerard asked while pulling on a jacket.

“Uh yep, I‘m fine.” Frank answered still a little bit shocked about what he had just seen.

 _Didn’t he notice that I saw his arms? Or doesn’t he care?_ These questions didn’t leave Frank’s mind.

“Let’s have a party on our own then?” Gerard suggested. Frank snapped out of his thoughts.

“Fuck yeah.” Frank said and grabbed a bottle of Jack Daniel’s.

\---

A few hours of playing drinking games, laughing at everything and a ton of empty bottles later they both were obviously drunk.

They sat on the couch watching a horror movie together. Frank’s legs rested on Gerard’s lap. They were actually pretty exhausted from laughing the whole time.

All of a sudden Frank looked really serious at Gerard.

“What?” Gerard asked.

“So are you into girls or boys? Or both?” Frank asked now sitting upright.

Gerard froze for a second because he definitely didn’t expect _that_ question.

“You’re obviously a bit too drunk Frankie.” Gerard laughed nervously and patted Frank’s knee.

“There are two options: a) You tell me b) I figure it out on my own.” Frank pressed while he slowly moved closer to Gerard’s face looking straight into Gerard’s eyes.

Gerard blushed but kept quiet, eyes fixed on Frank’s lips that were about to touch Gerard’s lips.

Frank softly grasped Gerard’s face and pulled him closer to kiss him passionately.

 _Holy fuck_ Gerard thought _I could kiss him forever. Shit. He’s a fucking good kisser._ Gerard thought wrapping his arms around Frank now.

Frank moved away a little to be able to smile at Gerard.

“Awesome” he said and pulled Gerard in for another kiss now wrapping his arms around Gerard’s neck to keep him close.

\---

Somewhere between making out for hours and undressing each other until they were left with only their boxer briefs on they ended up lying on Gerard’s bed.

Frank fell asleep next to Gerard, his head resting on Gerard’s chest and his left hand still holding Gerard’s right hand.

Gerard wasn’t asleep yet. He kind of lost himself in his thoughts.

He wasn’t quite sure if Frank would want to wake up next to Gerard or even remember anything at all so Gerard decided to move to the couch.

He carefully untangled himself from Frank and made his way to the couch in the living room.

\---

Just when he found a comfortable position to sleep on the couch he heard Frank’s sleepy voice.

“Gerard?” he asked.

“Yeah?”

“Where are you?”

“Am on the couch.” Gerard replied.

“Why are you on the couch?” Frank asked slowly turning around to face Gerard.

“’Cause I thought you might not want to wake up next to me or remember anything either.” Gerard answered looking at Frank through the door.

“Stop thinking and get your ass and the rest of your body back in here.” Frank said. “I already was sober when we started making out and it’s fucking cold in here without you anyway so come here and cuddle with me!” Frank forced.

Gerard smiled happily and crept back into the bed next to Frank. Frank immediately wrapped his arms around Gerard and rested his head on Gerard’s chest again after he kissed Gerard. Gerard patted Frank’s head and ran his fingers through Frank’s hair until he fell asleep in Frank’s arms as well.


	2. It's Not A Fashion Statement, It's A Fucking Deathwish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard wakes up in the morning. Hungover like fuck. Frank isn't there anymore, or was he ever here? It's the same shit like always just another day. Depression hits Gerard again. Good old fashioned depression.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to give me feedback and tell me what I can do better next time (:

When Gerard woke up the next morning he was alone. Frank was already gone. _Or was he even ever here?_ Gerard wasn't quite sure. Maybe he's just been dreaming again.

Perfect people just don't exist, especially not in Gerard's life. Nothing good has happened to him in years.

Gerard frowned and got up lazily. He made his way into the bathroom and showered. Well one thing about last night was definitely true. He has been drinking a lot. Again. But well that's actually nothing new. He can't control this. He drinks everyday, sometimes more than he should and sometimes less. He's not sure why he always drinks this much though. Maybe because he's lonely, maybe because he misses his old life, the way things were before he moved here or maybe it's because he hates everything about himself and his life. _The last one seems the most accurate_. Gerard thought.

There are too many things on his mind everyday. Too many voices trying to tell him that he's not good enough. Too many voices forcing him to give up. And Gerard knows they are going to win. Soon.

But it's not just alcohol he's addicted too. He smokes weed everyday, mostly after work, he takes Ecstasy, LSD and sometimes cocaine. At first he thought he could control all of this but soon he figured out that he needs this every now and then. It calms him down.

Maybe he is kind of addicted to his self-destruction. Gerard figured out there's something _romantic_ about it. Maybe he even wants to die as soon as he can. It's not like he's never thinking about suicide. He does pretty much everyday.

"So maybe it's for the best that Frank isn't real." Gerard quietly said to himself "I wouldn't want him to have to put up with my shit either." Gerard added, slowly walking into the kitchen. He took a few sips of Jack Daniel's before he left for work.

\---

On his way to work Gerard felt sad. Really sad.

He wouldn't want to fuck up someone as perfect as Frank but he kind of wished that Frank was real though.

He can't stop thinking about Frank which doesn't really help to improve his mood. It makes him feel worse.

\---

"Man you look like shit!"

Gerard didn't have to look up to know that it's Mikey.

"Shut up asshole. What are you even doing here?" Gerard asked.

"I've got a few days off so I thought I might come around and visit my brother. We haven't seen each other in like 4 months." Mikey said while he hugged Gerard.

"Cool. Been missing you a lot Mikes." Gerard said. "You brought me coffee?"

"Well I know how much of a coffee addict you are so yep." Mikey smiled and handed Gerard the coffee.

 _If only you knew..._ Gerard thought grabbing the coffee.

"Thanks Mikes" Gerard said forcing a smile.

\---

"So how's your life going Gee? What did I miss?" Mikey asked expectantly.

Gerard took a second to think.

_I'm a fucking addict. My life sucks. I suck. I'm lonely. I'm suicidal. I really want to kill myself..._

_  
_Gerard didn't mention any of these things instead he said "Nothing. My life is pretty boring actually. Everyday's the same. How 'bout you Mikes?"

Mikey looked at Gerard in disbelief.

"You look pretty fucked for someone whose life is boring." Mikey pointed out. Gerard froze. He couldn't tell Mikey. Not even that he was hungover because Mikey would just get worried about him. He doesn't want to burden anyone with his shit. He couldn't tell anyone.

"No really." Gerard said forcing another smile hoping that Mikey would be satisfied with that but he obviously wasn't because he still didn't take his eyes off of Gerard. He seemed to know that Gerard was hiding something. Gerard rolled his eyes.

"I'm okay, Mikey. I promise." Gerard said and sighed quietly as Mikey finally took his eyes off Gerard.

\---

The day has been pretty good. Gerard's been talking with Mikey about everything he missed out on in Mikey's life. Now that there were only 30 minutes left before another working day was done Gerard decided to start cleaning everything up. Mikey just sat on the couch near the entrance and texted. After a few minutes Gerard heard Mikey literally jump off the couch and say "Hey Frank! Man how are you doing? Haven't seen you in a while."

Gerard's eyes widened when he turned around to see Mikey hugging Frank. _The Frank._ The one Gerard thought he's only been dreaming about but it obviously wasn't a damn fucking dream.

"So Frank that's my brother-"

"Gerard. I know." Frank interrupted Mikey and smiled bright at Gerard.

 _God damn it that fucking smile._ Gerard thought.

"He tattooed my neck yesterday. The scorpion." Frank informed Mikey.

"Hey Frankie." Gerard said shyly.

Gerard wasn't quite sure how he should act now. Should he be happy because Frank is real, should he be angry because Frank left without saying a damn thing or should he be sad because he's probably going to fuck everything up like he did in his past relationships? He wasn't sure so he decided to keep his mouth shut and continue cleaning up while Mikey and Frank talked to each other.

He shouldn't spend time with Frank anyway since he sure as hell is going to lose him. No one ever wanted to stay with Gerard for long. _Why would Frank be any different?_

_\---  
_

_  
_"Okay Gee. Gotta go now I've got a long drive ahead." Mikey said and hugged Gerard before he turned to Frank, hugged him goodbye as well and then left.

So now Gerard was alone with Frank. Again.

Frank turned around and walked towards Gerard. When he was close enough he wrapped his arms around Gerard's waist, pulled him a little bit closer and kissed him gently.

No matter how much Gerard wished he could resist he knew he couldn't. Frank's lips were soft. His kiss was perfect. And the feeling of his body heat made Gerard feel better. Gerard put his arms around Frank's neck and pulled him closer until there wasn't any space left between them.

When they finally pulled apart, Frank tipped his forhead against Gerard's.

Frank's eyes are still closed but his smile is bright.

Gerard could feel his eyes fill with tears.

_This relationship is not going to work out. There are too many things I'll have to hide from Frank. He is perfect, too perfect and then there's me. The one with all the flaws and mistakes. I can't bear to burden Frank with my shit. I just can't. And if Frank knew about my shit he probably wouldn't want to be with me either. But he'll soon be able to live without me again. He's better off without me. Everyone is better off without me. Frank deserves someone better. I'm not good enough for him._

_  
_"Are you okay Gee?"

Gerard didn't realise that Frank has been watching him while he was lost in his thoughts.

"What? Uh yeah I'm fine. Just got something in my eye." Gerard quickly said, moved away from Frank and wiped the little tear drops off his face. When he looked at Frank again he forced another smile.

"Are you sure? You can talk to me if something is wrong" Frank encouraged Gerard.

"No really. It's nothing. I'm okay." Gerard said.

He already hated himself for lying to Frank. Frank didn't deserve this. This isn't a good way to start a relationship either so Gerard, once again, fucked everything up already, yet they went to Gerard's together. Again. Holding hands on the way to Gerard's apartment.

\---

"Gee?" Frank turned his head away from the TV to be able to look at Gerard.

"What's up?" Gerard felt miserable. He could feel his body trembling, begging him to get drunk or shit faced through drugs to be able to relax for a while and actually be able to enjoy the time with Frank instead of thinking about how he's going to mess it up.

"Can I stay overnight with you again?" Frank asked.

Gerard pretended to think while Frank nervously added "Because tomorrow is saturday so I thought we could spend the day together...maybe. If you want to."

 _Fuck_ Gerard thought _This is what I was trying to avoid. But I can't just say no. I don't wanna see him sad. Fuck fuck fuck._

 _  
_Gerard knew he's not going to see tomorrow. There will be no tomorrow. He's been planning this for so long.

"Yeah sure." Gerard said before he could stop himself.

"Yay!" Frank sqeaked before he rushed his face towards Gerard's to brush their lips together in a passionate kiss.

Gerard tried to hold back his tears.

\---

It's about 2 a.m. when Frank first decides to take a nap on Gerard's lap. So Frank rests his head on Gerard's lap and closed his eyes. A few minutes later his breath becomes evenly. Gerard rests his hand on Frank's cheek, softly stroking it.

He uses Frank's napping time to think.

_I really shouldn't fall in love with Frank. Fuck love at first sight. I'm only gonna hurt him and make him sad and lose him. I always fuck everything up. Everything's always my fault. But I don't want to take Frank down with me. I don't want to lose him either...Wait does that mean I'm already in love with him? Like seriously? No no no! I'm just stupid. I only know him for 2 days. How can I even consider this a relationship already? I don't know shit about him. The only things I know are that he's fucking beautiful and he's an awesome kisser, he barely runs out of energy and...well I guess he actually told me a lot of stuff about him yesterday but I was too drunk to keep it all in mind. How can I even consider him my boyfriend?_

_  
_Gerard suddenly felt deeply sad again. He wasn't really sure where this saddness came from all of a sudden but it was strong and overwhelming.

He had to bite his bottom lip to keep himself from breaking down and crying. He obviously bit too hard because he could taste blood and he felt a little blood drop drip down. It also started to hurt a little bit but Gerard didn't really give a shit about that. Neither did he stop biting harder. He was still caught in his mind thinking about whether Frank or anyone else would care if he comitted suicide or not. Gerard came to the conclusion that no one would miss him which led to the fact that no one would care either.

He closed his eyes but soon opened them again because Frank seemed to wake up again.

\---

"Gee? I'm tired." Frank said sleepy, slowly opening his eyes.

"Go to bed then." Gerard advised trying to keep his voice from shaking or cracking up. He already knew what is going to happen tonight.

It was the first night in years in which he didn't get drunk nor get high and he felt miserable. He could feel Frank slowly turning his head to the ceiling to be able to look at Gerard.

"Are you coming with - HOLY SHIT YOUR LIP IS BLEEDING LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER!" Frank mentioned, sitting upright again.

"Oh really? I didn't notice." Gerard said even though he knew that they both knew that was bullshit.

"How can you not notice a fucking waterfall of blood running down your face?" Frank yelled while he went into the kitchen to search for something like a cloth or whatever. Just something to press against Gerard's lip to stop it from bleeding.

Gerard stayed in the living room at first but then he got up and locked himself in the bathroom.

\---

Gerard turned on the bathroom lights, locked the door behind him and slid down the door until he ended up sitting on the floor, his back pressed against the door, his knees pulled close to his chest with his arms wrapped around them and his forehead resting on his knees. He closed his eyes.

How the fuck was he supposed to explain how and why he bit his lip so hard that it wouldn't stop bleeding? And how was he supposed to explain that he didn't notice? Frank would ask him what was wrong and Gerard couldn't just say "nothing".

Gerard felt silent tears streaming down his face. He's not gonna make it through tonight.

He took a deep breath. He didn't feel like having this conversation.

\---

Frank knocked on the door.

"Gee? Are you alright?" he asked.

Gerard took another deep breath and tried to keep his voice steady. He failed.

"Yeah. Everything's fine." he replied.

"I don't believe you." Frank answered.

"What do you want me to say?" Gerard asked. He knew his voice was shaking. _Fucking everything._

 _  
_" I want you to explain what the fuck is wrong with you." Frank said breathing in deep to keep himself calm.

 _What kind of game was Gerard playing?_ Frank asked himself.

"Nothing." Gerard protested knowing Frank doesn't believe him.

"I highly doubt that. Yesterday you were so happy and talkative and you smiled the whole time. Today you can't even really look at me." Frank pointed out. "What did I do?" Frank asked sad.

"It's not your fault." Gerard quickly answered because, well it clearly wasn't Frank's fault.

"What is it then?" Frank pressed.

"Nothing."

"Gee. Unlock the door and talk to me." Frank pleaded.

Gerard kept quiet.

"Gee I wanna help you." Frank said softly.

"You can't help me. No one can." Gerard snapped.

"God damn it. Stop that shit now and fucking talk to me Gerard." Frank raised his voice.

"I _am_ shit. And you wouldn't understand it either so fuck off and leave me alone!" Gerard didn't care if this hurt Frank. He would leave and soon forget that Gerard even exists. Gerard's nothing special, someone to forget about easily.

"Gerard I just-"

"No."

"I want to help you."

"You can't."

"Tell me what I can do."

"There is nothing you can do. I just wanna die, okay?" It took Gerard a few seconds to realise what he just said.

"What?" Frank sounded shocked. "Gerard this isn't funny anymore. Unlock the fucking door right now!" Frank said and started knocking on the door like crazy.

 _There's no turning back now._ Gerard thought as he looked to the cupboard in which he hides all his drugs and pills.


	3. The Sharpest Lives Are The Deadliest To Lead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard stands on the edge. Everything's too much for him. Everything that goes through his head every single day. Will he take the last step forward?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gimme feedback (: & still sorry for my bad english :'D

"Gerard unlock the fucking door right now or I'm gonna break it!" Frank shouted desperately, still knocking on the door like crazy.

Gerard didn't answer. He felt numb and he couldn't control his actions.

When he went over to the cupboard in which he hides all his drugs and pills he feels like he is in trance. His body moves without his permission.

He grabbed a handful of pills and swallowed them without thinking about anything for one last time.

 

 

 _He's better off without me anyway. Everyone is better off without me. He won't miss me. No one will. He doesn't know me._ Gerard thought as he sat down in front of the bathtub with his back leaning against it.

His body started trembling and aching. Cramps ran through his body and became stronger every second.

Gerard put his arms on his stomach and started whining, after a few minutes he started screaming. The pain became too strong.

He hoped the pain would end. He hoped his life would end. _It's gonna be worth it in the end._ Gerard thought _Once it's over I'll never have to feel like shit again. I'll never have to feel like I'm not good enough again. I'll never ever disappoint anyone ever again. I'm worthless. I was never good enough._ Silent tears started running down Gerard's cheeks. _It's all too much._

 

At first Gerard tuned out Frank's desperate screams but when he heard Frank say Mikey's name Gerard's eyes widened in shock.

"You're calling my brother?" Gerard asked, his voiced filled with pain. Gerard tried his best to keep his voice steady, but he failed.

"Yes. And he's on his way. He'll be here in a few minutes." Frank said quickly then added "Gerard if you don't unlock the fucking door within the next 10 seconds I'm gonna break that shit!"

 

Gerard tried to get back on his feet but no matter how hard he tried he didn't success so he crawled to the door using the last bit of his power to reach up to the door and unlock it.

After he finally made it he curled up into a fetal position and screamed in pain.

Frank rushed into the bathroom and fell onto his knees pulling Gerard into an upright sitting position.

Gerard didn't have the power to stay like that anymore so he flopped forward and almost hit his head against Frank's, but Frank reached out his arms just in time to catch Gerard.

 

Gerard's vision was blurred but he could see tears streaming down Frank's face. He recognized that Frank yelled something into his phone but Gerard didn't hear what he was saying.

 

Gerard remembered the letter he wrote earlier that day, right after Frank had entered the tattoo shop.

Gerard went into a little room in the back of the shop where he kept old tattoo designs and shit like that. He went there to write the letter.

His suicide letter. He's been planning on ending his life for so long.

 

He pulled the letter out of his jeans' pocket and gave it to Frank. Frank looked confused, took the letter and put it into his own jeans' pocket, then he continued talking to Gerard, but Gerard still couldn't hear a damn thing he was saying. It's like he was deaf.

 

Gerard stroke Frank's cheek softly, wiped away a few tears and smiled at Frank before he closed his eyes and his pain stopped and everything went black.

_Finally, I'm not a failure anymore._


	4. Dead! Gerard's Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard's suicide note

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback? meaning? tips? tell me what you think (:

_This is the end. I can't do any of this anymore._

 

_Frank, do you believe in love at first sight?_

_I never did, but then I met you. I felt like I knew you for years. Your smile immediately made me smile. Your presence made me feel better. You talked like a waterfall and I really liked listening to you and getting to know you and your life. I had butterflies in my stomach from the very first time I saw you._

_I don't know what it is about you that makes me feel like that. Maybe it's the drugs I'm taking that make me feel things this intense, maybe I am just stupid as fuck or maybe it's your personality and how you didn't judge me from the beginning._

_You probably think I'm some pathetic douchebag._

 

_I love you, I really do. No one made me feel the way you did from the first second to the last._

_But the pain that's filling me inside needs to stop. There are too many things in my mind, too many things I've done, too many regrets and I can't talk about any of these things._

_I don't want to burden you with my issues. I couldn't bear to see you having to put up with my shit. I don't want to take you down with me. You're perfect, too perfect for me and you deserve better than me. There are so many people out there who could do better. People with less mistakes and flaws._

 

_You'll soon forget about me. You'll move on quickly._

_I'm easy to forget, I'm no one special._

 

_A stab to the heart, a bullet to the head or an overdose of pills...something to end the pain and the terrors inside of me. Something to finally end it all._

_I've been planning on doing this for so long._

 

_I'm sure you'll be the last one to see me alive and I'm sorry you have to see me like this, Frankie._

 

_Tell Mikey I love him. Tell Ray he's been the best friend I could have ever asked for._

 

_Frank, I loved everything about you from the first time I saw you._

 

_It's time for me to leave, I can't go on any longer._

_I'm sorry it has to end like this and I am sorry that we didn't have more time and I hope maybe you'll remember me, but when it's time move on, forget me, I'm not that important._

 

_~ Gerard_


	5. The Ghost Of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3 months after Gerard's suicide attempt...is Frank just wasting his time here?

"You're still here?" Mikey asked when he entered the hospital room and spotted Fank sitting next to Gerard's hospital bed holding Gerard's hand.

"Yeah. Stayed the whole night." Frank answered.

 

Mikey wasn't really surprised about that. Since Gerard attempted suicide 3 months ago he's been in a coma and Frank went to visit him every day. Frank told Gerard about things that happened to him and Gerard missed out on, he sometimes played guitar for Gerard and sometimes he stayed overnight even though he knew that Gerard didn't notice anything he was doing.

Mikey rent an appartment near the hospital to be able to visit his brother and to be there whenever Frank needed him. Sometimes Frank and Mikey went to Gerard's to keep his apartment clean. They also searched for all the drugs in Gerard's apartment and threw them all away and they hid all sharp things and other stuff that he could use to kill himself once he wakes up again.

 

"Did the doctor say anything?" Mikey asked handing Frank a Starbuck's coffee.

"Thanks for the coffee Mikes" Frank said, only taking his eyes off of Gerard for the second he needs to grab the coffee without letting it drop. He took a sip and continued "They said he's getting better. Faster then they had expected but they don't know if he's going to wake up anytime soon though." Frank finished.

"You should go home and get some sleep Frankie." Mikey advised patting Frank's shoulder.

"Don't wanna." He protested.

"Why? You could really need some sleep dude." Mikey informed Frank.

"I want to be here when he wakes up. In case he does" Frank took another sip of his coffee "In case he does wake up I want to be the first one to tell him that we'll be there for him and that everything's gonna be okay again. I want to make his life better. I love him." Frank said with a slightly shaking voice.

Mikey couldn't help but smile. He would have never even imagined that Frank is someone like that. Someone special.

 _That's the kind of guy I want my brother to be with_ Mikey thought.

"I hope Gerard wakes up soon. He shouldn't miss out on you. You're perfect for my brother, the best one he could ever have." Mikey said cheerfully.

Frank smiled. For the first time in weeks, no, months, he smiled.

"Thanks Mikes" Frank said, still not able to keep the grin off his face "You're the best." He added "But I think Gerard is going to kill us when he wakes up." Frank giggled.

"Why would he want to kill us?" Mikey asked. Mikey couldn't help but giggle too because _Frank's fucking high-pitched giggle._

 _  
_"Because you told me like everything about him. Even about the embarrassing moments in his life that's why. He's gonna kill you because you told me everything and he's going to kill me because now I know all that stuff. Thanks Mikes." Frank explained laughing.

Mikey just smiled and messed up Frank's hair a little bit. "Oh and Ray's coming over in a few hours to bring you more coffee. I've gotta go now but I'll be back tomorrow. See ya, Iero." Mikey said, giggled and then left.

 

Ray works at "Get Inked" with Gerard. He does Gerard's work as well until Gerard wakes up again so Gerard doesn't lose his job. That means Ray works for two and Frank is extremely thankful for that. It's actually funny how Frank has been friends with Mikey and Ray for years now but never got to know Gerard until before 3 months.

 

Time passed fast. When Ray arrived at the hospital he spotted Frank at the smoking spot outside.

"Hey Iero. How are you doing man?" Ray yelled in Frank's direction. Frank looked up.

"Toro!" Frank took one last drag of his cigarette before he tossed it to the ground and walked over to Ray. "I'm still waiting for Gerard to wake up y'know." Frank's smile dropped and all his happiness faded as fast as it came.

 

Frank really didn't know if Gerard's gonna wake up again. No one can guarantee that he's ever going to wake up again. Maybe he's just wasting his time here waiting for a miracle that's never gonna happen. He didn't even know why he spends this much time here and why he did all this. He didn't know Gerard very well until Mikey told him so much about Gerard. Frank could understand now why Gerard felt he way he felt. He could understand why Gerard felt like shit or like he wasn't good enough. When Frank got to know all these things about Gerard he just kind of decided that he wanted to save Gerard and be with him and make his life better. No one deserves to feel like that or to be treated like they are nothing. But before Frank could even start his plan Gerard had to wake up first.

Frank really hoped that he's not wasting his time here. He couldn't keep Gerard out of his mind since he first saw him. _That must be a sign, right?_

_  
_By the time Frank finally snapped out of his thoughts he realized that he and Ray were in Gerard's hospital room again and Ray has probably been talking the whole time but Frank missed out on pretty much everything Ray said.

"Oh and I brought you coffee." Ray said handing Frank his coffee.

"Thanks Ray." Frank said then he took a few sips and added "I'm gonna need all this coffee."

"So you're staying overnight again?" Ray asked.

"Yep."

"Well I really hope Gerard's not gonna let you wait much longer. Duh, you can't just live from coffee and cigarettes." Ray said and laughed quietly.

"I hope so too. A night of actual sleep would be nice." Frank said grinning a little but his grin faded as quick as it came.

 _Please. Wake up Gerard._ Frank thought, slightly squeezing Gerard's hand again _Please._

 

"Okay I've gotta go now. I'll stop by tomorrow again." Ray announced as he left.

 

It was already dark outside. The stars were shinig bright, there wasn't a single cloud in the sky and the moon looked beautiful.

 

Frank wished he could watch the stars with Gerard. He was sick of hearing the _beep beep_ that the hospital computer-thingys made, which were all connected to Gerard through needles in Gerard's arms. _He's going to fucking murder someone as soon as he wakes up and notices the needles in his arms._ Frank thought smiling.

 

There was something ironic about Gerard. Something that hasn't left Frank's mind since he noticed it. _Gerard is afraid of needles, yet there was a time when he took a blade to his skin._ Frank thought while he slightly stroked Gerard's arm, able to feel every single scar. _I should have asked him as soon as I saw these scars._ Frank thought guiltily. _I should have asked him what was wrong._

 _I want to be the one who saves you_ Frank said quietly while he took Gerard's hand again and stroked it with his thumb.

After a while Frank fell asleep.


	6. The Only Hope For Me Is You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard is back!

Gerard slowly woke up. He opened his eyes and blinked a few times. Where was he? How late was it? At first he wasn't sure where he was but the moonlight exposed the hospital room when Gerard turned his head to look around. He felt awkward. _Why the hell am I in hospital? Who even saved -_ Gerard immediately snapped out of his thoughts and his eyes widened when he looked to his right and saw Frank, sleeping softly while holding Gerard's hand. _Why are you here after all?_ Gerard thought.

 

"Frank?" Gerard whispered, slightly squeezing Frank's hand. "Frankie?" Frank just yawned at first but then his eyes shot open and he looked at Gerard with wide eyes and smiling as bright as he could. "Gee? You're awake? Finally." Frank threw himself at Gerard and wrapped his arms tightly around Gerard. "I fucking missed you. Never do something like that again!" Frank said tightening his grip around Gerard. "Ow. Frank can you not...ow!" - "Oh uhm sorry Gee. I'm just so happy to have you back." Frank said, sounding like a little kid that just got a present or whatever.

 

At first Gerard smiled but then all his happiness faded and "Why?" was all he could say. Frank's face changed from happy as fuck to confused as fuck. "What do you mean?" He asked, curiously looking at Gerard, probably trying to figure out what he's on about.

"I mean why did you do that? You don't know me. I can't be important to you...at all. Why did you save me?"

Frank had no fucking clue why Gerard sounded like he was going to burst out in tears. He sounded kind of desperate and hurt. _Does he still want to be dead after all?_

"Are you kidding me? I would never let you or anyone else die if I can prevent it. And while you were in coma for 3 fucking months I went to visit you everyday, I fucking talked to you even though I  _knew_ you wouldn't hear a damn thing I say, I played guitar for you and I stayed overnight most days and Mikey told me so much about you I feel like we went to school together, like I know you for ages. And I fucking saved you because I love you." Frank had to squeeze his eyes shut to keep his voice calm.

 

Before Frank was able to open his eyes again he felt Gerard's lips on his own. He was kind of shocked and surprised by Gerard's reaction at first but then he kissed Gerard back. First soft and gentle, then rough and passionately.

Frank really missed this. He missed Gerard so much.

 

When they pulled apart they both panted a little and Gerard tipped his forehead on Frank's. Frank could see a little smile running over Gerard's face and Frank smiled too.

 

"I'm sorry Frankie. I'm really fucking sorry. I shouldn't have put you through this. I shouldn't have put anyone through this. I should have just talked to you about everything. I'm so-" Gerard was cut off by Frank placing a little soft kiss on Gerard's lips again. "Yes you should have talked to me, asshole. Promise me you'll talk to me next time." Frank smiled at Gerard. "I promise." Gerard answered. "But..." - "But what?" Frank rolled his eyes. "But what if I can't make it? What if I relapse?" Gerard asked worried. "Well like I said. Just talk to me and I'll try my best to make you feel better. If that doesn't work you'll also have Mikey and Ray." Frank explained, placing another little kiss on Gerard's forehead. "Oh and by the way, Ray did all your work for you so you still work at Get Inked as soon as you're fit enough and Mikey moved into an apartment near the hospital so he'll be around more often as well." Frank added smiling sheepishly. "Fuck." Gerard said "I love you." Frank rolled his eyes.

 

A bright smile started to show up on Gerard's face as well as on Frank's. "We're gonna make it." Frank whispered before he grasped Gerard's face between his hands and softly pulled him into another kiss.


	7. author's note

**_Important announcement!_ **

****

  
**_  
_ ** _I highly doubt that anyone still reads this one or is interested in having the story updated. All in all, I highly doubt anyone wants to know how this story will continue and end. I'm really sorry for not updating this story for ages. The thing is, I'm really busy with writing job applications and stuff like that and finding a job. Also, I don't like the way I wrote this whole thing so far. I'm not going to give this story up though because it's my second fanfic I've ever written and I still have the whole storyline planned and parts of it written out. I'm going to overdo the entire thing and then upload it as a 2.0 version of the original/first story as soon as I've finished it._   


_xoxo Josie_


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